You don’t have to be an established book reviewer; you just need to have an opinion! I would like YOU to help me create the perfect suspense romance novel.

The working title is Who Are You? The novel will be a stand alone sequel to Hearts On the Run and will focus around Max, an assistant district attorney who is seduced by his dream woman – who then disappears on him without a trace. When he finally discovers who she is, he’s in for another surprise. It seems someone else is after her as well, and will use any means necessary to get her. Even if that means killing Max to get him out of the way.

Intrigued? There's more: I’ll even publish your name at the end of the book under a section titled, “My Opinion Mattered.” (You may stay anonymous if you would like.) If this sounds like fun, then this is how you can critique the novel every step of the way:

Every couple of days, I will post a small section of the book. After reading it, comment on what you liked, what you didn't like, how the dialogue flowed, character traits, how well edited the section was, and whatever else you can think of while reading. I will then revise the section based on your suggestions. Names published under the "My Opinion Mattered" section will be listed in order of number of comments contributed, so comment often! For those just joining us, please check out the blog archives to start the book from the beginning.

There is also an area to vote on how well you think the novel is progressing. You will be able to change your vote as the novel progresses to best reflect how you feel at any given time along the journey to a completed novel.


Sunday, June 12, 2011

Who Are You? part 2

“Uh uh, I want the full view as you walk up the stairs,” he said pushing her gently towards the stairs on the other side of the foyer from the living room.  “Second door on the right,” he said as she began climbing.
            Just the sight of her perfect curves in the black underwear and leather boots was enough to push him so close to the edge, he had to start listing case file numbers in his head.  He had to get it together or he really wouldn’t last more than five minutes.  But he was having a hard time explaining that to the lower half of his body.  He felt like a randy teenager, and he hadn’t felt that way since he was a randy teenager.
            “Would you prefer the light on or off?” he asked when they reached his room.
            “Which do you prefer?”
            “On,” he replied instantly.  He wanted to see every naked bit of her. 
            “Then I guess it stays on,” she purred as she stretched out cat-like on his bed.  “I think you’re a little overdressed for this party, though.  Perhaps you could entertain me with a strip tease?”
            “I’m not much for dancing but I have no problem stripping,” he retorted as his hands worked the buttons on his shirt and pants.  It took him no time at all to be completely naked.
            As he joined her on the bed, he looked her up and down.  “Now who’s overdressed?”
            Stretching her arms above her head and grasping the wooden slats of his headboard, she purred, “Then I guess you should do something about that.”
            Max didn’t need any more encouragement than that.  Rolling so that he was kneeling and straddling her thighs, he kissed a trail from her lips to her breasts.  He stopped to suckle each nipple through the lace of her bra, teasing them until they pebbled tightly.  His hand felt every inch of her curves as it moved towards her center, eliciting a soft moan of pleasure from her as he stroked her through her panties.  She arched her back and spread her thighs until her legs touched his, giving him more room to play.  All the while, her hands continued to grasp the slats giving him free rein of her body.
            He kissed and licked his way from her breasts to her lace panties.  Pulling them aside, he let his tongue slide into her wetness, enjoying the first taste of her.  She bucked slightly at the feel of his mouth on her most sensitive area.  One hand grasped his hair as she raised her hips to him.
            “Uh uh,” Max said raising his head.  He moved slowly up her body until he was above her and he gently grasped her hand and put it back on the headboard.  “I like you like that,” he whispered. 
A sexy smile curled her lips upward.  “Anything you want,” she purred.
Max raised his eyebrows.  “That’s a pretty dangerous statement to make.”
“I’m not worried,” she said and she closed her eyes and arched her back again bringing his attention back to her luscious body.
Max reached under her and unhooked her bra, freeing her gorgeous breasts from their restraint.  Insanely beautiful.  Full and round with rosy nipples begging for his mouth to be on them.  Obliging, his tongue glided over one, capturing it with his teeth as his hand slid into her panties.  Her moans of pleasure as he stroked her core made him want to tear off her panties and bury himself deep inside of her.
“I have to have you,” Max growled as he slid two fingers inside of her stroking her as she writhed underneath him.
“Yes,” she whispered breathlessly.
Max tore himself away from her long enough to grab a condom from the bedside table.  When it was securely in place, he tugged on her panties until they slid over her boots and he tossed them to the floor.  Gently spreading her thighs, he positioned himself until he was pressed against her center.
“You are so damn sexy, I’m afraid I’m not going to last long the first time.  But I promise, the second time will be all about you,” he groaned as he finally thrust himself deep inside of her.  That first feel of her velvety slickness was heaven.  Their bodies joined together perfectly.  He moved with long, slow strokes savoring every bit of her, until she wrapped those leather boots around his legs encouraging him to move harder and faster and he lost all control.
What he could see of her face was erotic as hell as she closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip in pleasure.  He couldn’t hold back any longer.  Just as he felt himself falling over the edge of bliss, he felt her clench tightly against him rhythmically, taking his orgasm to a level he had never experienced before.  Crushing his mouth to hers, they swallowed each other’s cries of passion as the earth shattered around them.
Finally releasing her mouth, Max raised himself above her as he tried to catch his breath.  “My god, what did you do to me?  That was incredible.”
With a satiated smile, she pushed gently against him until he was on his back with her above him.  “Nothing compared to what I’m going to do to you now,” she purred in that low husky voice that drove him crazy.
Max discovered that her kissing really was just a prelude to what else she could do with her mouth.  She brought him over the edge again before climbing on top of him and bringing herself to a climax as he tumbled yet again after her.  He swore the woman was trying to kill him, but he didn’t care.  He’d die a happy man.  Several hours and four condoms later, Max fell into a deep, satisfied sleep with his arm wrapped tightly around her beautiful, luscious body.  He had every intention of waking in the morning and starting all over again.


  1. oooh, that was good :) Yet again way too short...but I only have one thing this time! At the end, you said he fell asleep...but is she with him? Did he fall asleep with her body against his or what? Just thought you could add that little detail! But other than that I really liked it! Can't wait for more!!!!

  2. Jessica, I love your advice! I've made that change and reposted.

  3. Perfect!! I love the last two lines now :) Best way to end this section!!!

  4. Just a few observations. I liked this scene a lot. HOT!!

    You might want to replace the cliche "music to his ears."
    You used "beautiful" three times. Might want to change one of them- gorgeous? stunning? hot?
    Could shorten some of your sentences. Shorter sentences increase tension.
    Example: Max reached under her and unhooked her bra freeing her breasts from their restraint. He had never seen breasts as beautiful as hers. They were full and round with rosy nipples that just begged for his mouth to be on them.
    Maybe: Max reached under her and unhooked her bra, freeing her breasts from their restraint. Beautiful. Round, full, with rosy nipples that just begged for his mouth.


  5. I like it! I think you're right, it would increase the tension. Thank you! I'm going to post the rewrites by tomorrow. Please come back and tell me what you think, and keep the editing tips coming.