You don’t have to be an established book reviewer; you just need to have an opinion! I would like YOU to help me create the perfect suspense romance novel.

The working title is Who Are You? The novel will be a stand alone sequel to Hearts On the Run and will focus around Max, an assistant district attorney who is seduced by his dream woman – who then disappears on him without a trace. When he finally discovers who she is, he’s in for another surprise. It seems someone else is after her as well, and will use any means necessary to get her. Even if that means killing Max to get him out of the way.

Intrigued? There's more: I’ll even publish your name at the end of the book under a section titled, “My Opinion Mattered.” (You may stay anonymous if you would like.) If this sounds like fun, then this is how you can critique the novel every step of the way:

Every couple of days, I will post a small section of the book. After reading it, comment on what you liked, what you didn't like, how the dialogue flowed, character traits, how well edited the section was, and whatever else you can think of while reading. I will then revise the section based on your suggestions. Names published under the "My Opinion Mattered" section will be listed in order of number of comments contributed, so comment often! For those just joining us, please check out the blog archives to start the book from the beginning.

There is also an area to vote on how well you think the novel is progressing. You will be able to change your vote as the novel progresses to best reflect how you feel at any given time along the journey to a completed novel.


Thursday, June 16, 2011

Part 4 of Who Are You? Let me know what you think!

Chapter 3       

Max woke up around eight and stretched his arm to the other side of the bed expecting to find the amazing body that had been there when he fell asleep.  But his arm felt nothing but pillow.  Opening up his sleep deprived eyes, he sat up and searched for any traces that she was still in the house.  He peeked over the side of the bed to where he had tossed her panties and they were gone.  Throwing back the covers, he got up to check the bathroom.  She wasn’t there either.  Still naked, he took the stairs two at a time to discover that her dress and cape were no longer in the living room.  She was gone.
            “Dammit!” he swore out loud.  He looked around for a few more minutes to see if she had left him a note with her phone number on it.  Unfortunately, his search of the kitchen, living room, bedroom and bathroom turned up nothing.  The best damn night of his life and he had no idea who she was or how to contact her.  Swearing again, he walked back to his bedroom and lay back down on the bed.  Maybe he could at least get some more sleep, he thought.  But thoughts of last night kept going through his mind and his body was ready for many things, but sleeping wasn’t one of them.  Even more frustrated now, he got back up and threw on some jeans and a t-shirt and grabbed his gym bag.  Maybe he could sweat some of the frustration off.
            Gina, the bubbly, and hot, blonde who worked weekends was behind the registration desk when he walked into the gym.  “You’re here awfully early,” she said with a flirty smile as he signed in.  Max grunted a reply.
            “And cheerful as well,” Gina remarked.
            “A lot on my mind,” he muttered.  Usually he liked flirting with Gina, but he wasn’t in the mood for it this morning.  “I’m going to head over to the weight room.  Think you could ask one of the guys to spot me?” he asked.
            “Sure,” Gina replied sounding much less perky than she had when he first came in.
            “Thanks.”  Max picked up his bag and headed to the locker room to change into some shorts.
            Sweaty and sore three hours later, he still couldn’t get Bat Girl out of his mind.  As images of her flowed through his brain, he had to make the spray of the shower considerably cooler than he normally did so his body didn’t betray his thoughts.  If only he had insisted she tell him who she was before he drifted off.  Or at least begged her for her phone number.  Slapping his palm against the tiled wall, he mentally kicked himself for going along with the whole anonymous stranger thing.  Sure, it had been sexy as hell at the time, but now he wouldn’t have a chance to repeat the experience.  What an idiot, he berated himself.
            Relieved that Gina wasn’t at her post at the desk when he was leaving, Max signed out and left.  He knew he had been rude earlier and he needed to apologize, but he didn’t have it in him right now.  He and Gina had hooked up a couple of times which had been a huge mistake.  He tried not to be an ass to her, but she didn’t seem to understand that he didn’t want to see her again no matter how bluntly he put it.  It was his own fault for not turning her down when she had asked him out that first time.  He didn’t usually date women from the places he frequented, but she had been hard to refuse with her perky little body and pretty face.  But she didn’t even begin to compare to his Bat Girl.  God, he wished he had something better to call her than that!
            When he got home, he put his gym stuff away and made himself something to eat.  He didn’t like eating before working out, so he was starved.  After making a sandwich of turkey breast and all the fixings, he brought it into the living room and set it down on the steel and glass coffee table and picked up the remote.  The Lions were playing, great.  Just what he needed; watching his team lose when he was already in a foul mood.  He put the volume on mute and opened his cell phone.  Maybe Jack had figured out who she had come to the party with.
            “Hello?” Jack yawned into the phone.
            “Are you still sleeping?” Max asked looking at the clock.  It was almost noon.
            “One of us has a sexy wife who likes to stay up late doing naughty things with her husband,” Jack said followed by, “Ouch!”
            “Guess she doesn’t like you bragging any more than I do,” Max almost growled into the phone.  He didn’t even bother to add that his night had probably been better.  “I called to see if you figured out who Bat Girl was and who she came with last night.”
            “Bat Girl?”
            “Yeah, the woman I left with.”
            “Oh, the figment of your imagination!  No, no one besides you even saw her at the party.  And if you brought her home, why don’t you know who she is?” Jack asked through another yawn.
            “Because she wouldn’t tell me,” Max grumbled.  He almost threw the phone when Jack started laughing loudly in his ear.  “What’s so funny?” he demanded.
            “You took a woman home and had sex with her, and then she refused to tell you her name?  Were you that bad?” Jack sniggered.
            “Very funny,” Max grumbled.  “She thought it would be sexier if she kept her identity a secret.  But then she left before I got up this morning.  Now, I don’t know how to find her.”
            “I don’t know, it sounds like she doesn’t want you to,” Jack replied.
            Yeah, Max had already thought of that.  Then why the hell did she come home with him last night!  He may have sleep around a bit, but at least he always had the decency to call the woman the next day.  Even if he didn’t intend to see her again. 
            “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Max said in annoyance and disconnected the line.  Well, that was humiliating, he thought.  He turned the volume back on and sat back to watch the game.  He had lost all interest in his sandwich.


  1. Looks good, except for a couple of miniscule nitpicky things:
    First paragraph: peaked should be peeked.
    You used "a hold of" a couple of times. Sounds awkward to me. You might use "contact" or "reach" instead.
    I really enjoyed the conversation between Max and Jack. Good realistic dialog.

  2. Very realistic dialogue in all the chapters and good descriptions, for now they're good but make sure not to make them too long so that the reader doesn't loose focus.

  3. I like it! I like how we get to see more of Max's life and who he is. Nothing else i would fix other than what they said! Looking forward to reading more!

  4. Sandy, I love that you catch these things. I wish spell check could work in context. :-) I'm going to go back and look at alternatives in wording.

    Thanks, Aquiria, definitely good advice. As things go along, please let me know if you think that is happening.

    Jessica, Thank you!

    I've made a couple of wording changes and reposted!

  5. I did notice this:

    "He may have sleep around a bit, but at least he always had the decency to call the woman the next day. Even if he didn’t intend to see her again."

    Is it supposed to say "slept"? or did you want to remove "have"?